My Plan to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse


pictured above: your demise.

Note: The sound cuts off because your dead. Think about it. ._____.


In other news. The Zombie Apocalypse. If it happens, where are you most likely to be? At my current moment, I’m most likely to be in my dorm room, which is a fairly safe building. Guys, everyone says ‘oh when the zombies come I’ll be ready’. No, you really won’t. Because it’s not like you’re going to get a three day notice, giving you ample time to run around and gather supplies. So, when it comes, where will you be? What do you have? I myself am likely in trouble. As long as I keep quiet, perhaps they won’t realize I’m in my room. If my roommate becomes contaminated, sorry J.P. but you’re going out the window (I live on a second floor). Weapons wise, I’m probably screwed. We’re not allowed to have weapons on campus. I do have a hair dryer, which can be dropped in to water (I’ll flood the hallway via the showers if I have to) and electrocution. Bam. With my luck I’ll probably just create a bunch of Frankenstein monsters. I guess I can barricade myself under my bed and wait till they think the dorm has been abandoned. Guys, keep jugs of water around. It’s good for you to have lots of water to drink, whether it’s the zombie apocalypse or not. You do not want to have to drink piss to survive.


But no seriously, that would kind of suck.


From your current position, where do you go next? I’ll probably skip going out the main entrance, since everyone else will probably head out that way, and go out the back door. Unfortunately that is the other end of the hallway. I’ve considered tripping the fire alarm, and hope that the noise and sprinklers will confuse the zombies long enough for me to escape. From there it’s a couple of blocks to the pawn shop and a hardware store. If they have a shotgun, take it. You know why? Because that will blow a really big hole. Aim for the head. No head? No zombie. Unless you’re dealing with otherworld magically raised bullshit. You better start drinking your own piss now if that’s the case. I wish you luck.


Stay out of the graveyards. Just. No. Get out of there. If I were at home, I would have headed for my grandfather’s, as he has a barn with a loft. Zombies aren’t known for their supreme climbing skills – a straight up climb doesn’t sound like something they could handle. Unfortunately I’m stuck at college. Fortunately, our school auditorium has a similar ladder. I’ve never been to the room it connects to, but it can’t be worse than zombies.


Can it?


I’ll camp out there until things calm down, maybe see if I can rig the stage lights to fall when intruders appear. That sort of thing. The costume room I happen to know has several swords. And by swords I mean swords. I doubt they’ll do much in the way of decapitations, but it’ll be better than nothing.


This is the part that I explain I’m not the most in-shape person on the planet and have probably been murdered by more elite collegues. On the off chance I survived long enough to get to my safe place, I’m going to attempt to contact one of my friends who gave a ten minute + speech on surviving one of these things. And if we can somehow get to my hometown, I’ll find out if my other friend Clark has survived. Considering he’s the teen version of Rambo, I’m sure he’s fine. Once I’ve convinced him that killing us will not save him grief later, we’re going camping.


From there on out, I have no idea.


Good luck to you, sirs. And madams.


This is Alyss, closing out the unhelpful Zombie Apocalypse blog entry. Don’t get murdered, let me know how it goes. Chances are if you work in an office, you’re going to die. Jump out a window and save yourself the brain-demanding urges.



If you’re ever in a horror movie of any kind, I suggest looking at this.

This is a Grade-A example of what not to do when around Zombies.

Guys, even FEMA thinks shit is going to go down.


About marlesque

Horror/suspense writer. Student of Dramatic Arts, 2nd year.
This entry was posted in Fear, Personal, Tips and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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